How does it feel?
by Anna-chan2
Summary: Farfie death fic. Yaoi mentions. Farfie's dementia finally leads him to the unforgiveable.


Disclaimer: I don't own them. Never will. Just use them for my devious means.

Warnings: This is a Death Fic. Let's get that out of the way. It's really a dark Farfie fic. If you're into this sort of thing, read. If not, please don't. If you're not sure, read anyway. But please don't flame me.

A/N: I was extremely depressed one day. This is the result. Not in any way meant to glorify suicide. Just one depressed girl speaking through another's voice.

Farfarello retrieves his hidden knife from the section of padded wall where he'd buried it earlier. Slowly, he carved the first wound on his arm, all the while watching with wide-eyes fascination as the blood began to flow. The dull edge of the blade did not slice cleanly through the flesh. Instead, it ripped jaggedly through Farfarello's arm. Dipping one finger into the grisly wound, he began to write on the stark white walls.

_How does it feel? You and your high morals and divine rules can't stop me from this simple act. Your book preaches against sins yet there is nothing you can do to stop us from sinning._

The first wound has stopped its bleeding. Farfarello carves another line into his flesh, making a jagged X on his forearm. This time, the blood came more readily and began to drip to the floor. Farfarello resumed writing.

_How does it feel? You, the most powerful being in the universe cannot stop a single person from doing something you don't approve of. Yet you had the power to take all the things I loved away from me. In a single night, I lost it all. Why?_

Farfarello dips his finger into his flesh but did not feel wetness. With an annoyed frown, he looked down at the offending limb and found that scabs had formed over the wounds. He made another incision, this time on his chest and resumed writing.

_I want to see your pain. I want to see you cry. Cry, like I've cried over the lives lost at your hands. I want to kill all that you hold dear, leaving only the damned to take their place. How does it feel to know that I hate you so? I want to see your pain, I want to see you hurt for eternity. Creator of all, destroyer of all. I proclaim you my nemesis for you've shown me true pain. I want to show you true pain.  
_  
Farfarello is now covered in half-dried blood. He frowns as each wound he inflicts dries up and begins to heal. Finally, he takes his blade in both hands and drives it with all his might into his thigh. With an upward arch, he pulls free his blade. From the amount of blood flowing out of the cut, he'd hit an artery. Farfarello smiles grimly.

_You try to stop me. Your attempts are feeble. I am unaffected. I will reach my goal. You, so high and mighty on your throne, cannot do a single thing to stop me. You can only watch. Are you crying yet? Cry like I cried. Hurt as I've hurt. Pain and suffering I will inflict upon you, as you've inflicted on me. Will you cry for me? When I go, will it bring you pain? Only one way to find out.  
_  
Farfarello sank to his knees, his legs no longer able to hold him up. His lips curled into a feral smile.

_Almost there. Do you feel my anticipation? Such a delightful feeling. To know that soon I will be able to face you. I will be able to stand before you and spit in your face. I denounce you, you uncaring God. I denounce you, and all that you represent. I will go willingly into Hell. There I can truly wage war against you.  
_  
Farfarello slumps over, blood loss making his muscles weak. He lay there, staring at the stark white ceiling in a pool of his own blood.

"Farfarello?" a timid voice called. Soft footsteps sounded as someone walked into the padded cell. The light came on, illuminating the room. Brown eyes surveyed the room, slowly widening in shock. Spotting the body on floor, Nagi rushed to Farfarello's side.

"Oh, Farf, you've really done it this time, haven't you?" He asked sadly.

How can you stand to hurt him?Farfarello thinks. He would have served you well but you chose to make his life a living hell instead. Don't you care? Don't you care when he cries, when he's in pain? How can you keep this Angel out of Heaven?

Nagi watched his lover's face intently. He knew that any attempt to save him now would be futile. Farfarello has simply lost too much blood. He reached down a trembling hand and stroked Farfie's short hair.

You don't care, do you? No matter what I do, I can't make you care. You're not hurt by anything I do, are you? The only one I hurt is him. You tricked me again. You tricked me into leaving him. You tricked me into hurting him. Nagi, no, don't be sad. I never meant to cause you pain, not you.

For the first time, Farfarello fought to stay alive. He began to black out but he resisted, knowing if he got pulled down, he would never awaken again. For the first time, he really didn't want to die. He stared intently into Nagi's eyes with his one golden orb. Slowly, despite all that Farfarello did, death grabbed hold of him and pulled him under.

Nagi watched as Farfarello's eye slid shut. He took his last shuddering breath and lay still. Nagi's mind refused to believe that he was really gone. His body is still warm, for God's sake. Nagi gathered Farfarello's body into his arms, desperately trying to keep the cooling body warm. The weight of Farfarello's body caused Nagi to lose his balance and he fell backwards into the big pool of blood, still clinging to the body. He refused to cry. If he cried, then that means that Farfarello's truly gone. Instead, he just clutched the body to himself and squeezed shut his eyes.

Two more sets of footsteps echoed down the hall until they stepped into the padded cell. Strong hands tried to pry Farfarello's corpse out of Nagi's grip.

"Holy, shit," a nasal voice said. Schuldich surveyed the room, eyes following the words that covered three of the four walls. The blood had began to dry, making the earliest words appear brown. Schuldich had expected the words to be infantile in appearance. Instead, elegant calligraphy covered the walls. He couldn't help but stroke those words.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" a voice behind him screeched. "DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM!" Abruptly, the two other members of Schwarz were thrown against the wall that was still white. Thankfully, the walls were padded. No serious damage was wrought. Both members sprang for Nagi. They tackled him and finally managed to wrestle Farfarello's corpse from him. Dropping the corpse, both men hugged the youngest member of Shwarz tightly to prevent him from doing anything. Nagi dissolved in noisy crying and incoherent words. None of the three members of Shwarz had realized how important Farfarello had been to them. 

How do I go on without him?Nagi's mind whispered.

We'll help you.Schuldig replied.

We're here.Bradley added.

A/N: This is my first attempt at angst. If you wanna laugh go ahead and laugh to yourselves. Please don't laugh in my face. I'm a bit sensitive. Thanks. Please do review. I'd appreciate it. Well, Farf, what do you think? This good enough for that half-fic I promised you?

A: What the? Oh Farfie. Where did you go?

Author finds Farfarello and evil muse dancing around what appears to be a bon fire. Author develops a sweat drop and nervous twitch on her left eye.

A: I think we should leave them be. Hehe. Okay, review.


End file.
